Ever since we wake up in the morning, till our soul slips into a quiet slumber at night, there is conflict. When my mind wants one thing, my heart seeks another. When my mind chooses the right road, my heart has already started traveling on a different path. When my mind has accepted something to be unachievable, my heart will put everything on bet to achieve it. When I intended to be a good person, reality had something else in store for me. Thus, when I wanted to be a pilot, I ended up being a clerk instead.
The problem lies in the fact that I could tackle all external problems by accusing my destiny--- or, some other unfortunate guy around me, but what about my inner self?
I can accept that I am a clerk instead of a pilot; I can accept being Oprah Winfrey instead of Greta Garbo; even I can accept Robin Williams staring at me through the mirror when I longed for Sylvester Stallone looks! But, who's going to put an end to the fight between right and wrong, true and false, do's and dont's, faith and disbelief, that's incessantly going on in my mind?
This turmoil churns my brain uninterruptedly--- is there no way to put a full stop to all this? Who'll call for truce? Shall I have to hear this mindless jargon throughout my life?
None of my lifemates are facing such a turmoil --- why me? They rise, perform their daily chores, worship the Mother Goddess in the old traditional style --- no questions asked, no queries made , that can disturb their soul for a moment. Does the Mother Goddess really strive for all this? No one asks.
And who is going to tell me what is the right thing to do? Each one has his own point to justify (including myself )! So I end up utterly confused, drowned in my own contradiction.
Now, a conflict can be killed in two ways.
First, follow the majority. For example, when a Brahmin boy falls in love with a Muslim girl and decides to settle down, he is clearly in a dilemma. His folks are dead against this match. What to do? Go with the majority, man! Do what your parents ask of you, marry a Brahmin girl. And thus social security is preciously secured in the vault of majority! One must have the prudence to differentiate between a bedroom and the Brigade Parade Ground. Whatever is written in the Bhagwad Gita and the Bible, cannot be followed in the rural court!
I have seen a lot. Many burning oaths of undying love just vanished from the face of Mother Earth, under the magic wand of majority! Majority can never lie! It is always true. To hell with your conscience! It exists among two classes of people. First, whose statues adorn the Piccadilly, and photographs adorn the history books---- and students waste ink and paper writing lengthy bullshits on them. And second, some vagabond abysmal fools, brats with empty pockets, speaking of junk like honesty and truthfulness---- followed by none.
The whole world is a stage, and these actors fight among themselves to capture the limelight. Most of them are third rated and they shout more--- doesn't make much sense. Better ones are sweet tongued. They get their job done smoothly under the impression of fake gentleness.
But, apart from these, there's another category of people. They don't want to be great. Neither do they want to flock with the majority. They just want to be 'themselves'. How audacious, isn't it? They want to conquer the stage without any mask! Critics cannot judge them. Some think, they are too superfluous! Others call them fucking idiots! Congenital imbeciles!
They walk their own path--alone! They seek their own answers--- by themselves. Just imagine what the majority think of their ego! These people are quite unaware of what the world thinks about them. Their extreme self respect teaches them to ignore the majority.
They tackle their conflict by keeping awake. That is the second way to kill conflict, which I was talking about.
If you want to stop a conflict by force, it won't stop. If you want an answer to it, it multiplies. As the conflict over day and night ends when you understand diurnal rotation of earth, all conflicts are solved when you can identify the root cause behind it.
We consider the end of chaos of our reasons, to be the end of conflicts, but it is not so. If chaos ends, does the opposing reason ends? No, it doesn't. Tension rises. So does conflict. The best possible way to overcome this is to improve your reasoning power. Once someone can understand the two fighting sides within one's own self, one can find out the cause of the fight. One shouldn't become a prisoner of one's own thoughts. One has to break free and seek an answer through his broadened outlook. Only then one can see that the two fighting sides have made an alliance behind his back. The way one looks at his problems, makes all the difference. One has to believe that his concocted mind is the birthplace of all conflicts. Once he can escape from his mental prison, he can see that conflict exists nowhere.
Before everything, I should understand myself. Who am I? If I have no profound answer to this question, I should not pursue my dreams --- because by doing so, I would be cheating myself.
Oh! How shameful it is to stand before the Lord, who knows what is going on inside my lustful mind!
All conflict lies between the two lines ----''whatever I am '' and ''whatever I desire to be''!
Many souls are heavy with the question, ''what about the thousand self contradictions within me?''
Let me reply ---'' Don't hide from yourself. You can escape social bullying but you simply cannot bypass the self contradictions within you. If you cannot admit your mistakes to yourself, if you cannot face yourself, if you feign to be what you're not, on the stage of life, you're going to dance like a puppet whose strings are not in your control. You'll be asked to reverse roles and change costumes in each act of the play, by some invisible ruthless director.
What is the purpose of such a meaningless existence? To err is better. It is better to commit mistakes while playing your own character in your own little play. Trust me, it is better than an immaculate mimicry of someone else.
In the end, there is only one way available. Face yourself. Recognize yourself right from the core. Pray for the eternal enlightenment of your dark soul which has traversed many twisted paths.
May your unadulterated prayer reach the almighty. God bless.
[Translated By: Sukanya Bandyopadhyay]
[মূল প্রবন্ধঃ দ্বন্দ্ব]